a problem never ceasing

I talked to my mom tonight and we worked out a plan for this upcoming school year if the money doesn't come through for Fox. As of now, I will finish off my gen eds at the local community college and work my butt off somewhere. It kinda scared me talking about it and actually coming up with an itenerary, cause that made the possibility of not returning even more of a reality. It was a total flashback to the end of last semester when I was sobbing in the prayer chapel and almost screaming at God out of frustration. But I then recall a conversation I had with Cary 4 to 5 weekis into the semester about this very topic, and the simple truth that I realized that night while I sat crying on Eli's bed and watching Cary design a soda dispenser:

No matter what I say or do, if God wants me here, I'll be here.

I will do all within my human power to make sure that the funds come through, but it all comes down to His will. If it is in His plan (which I pray it is) that Fox is where I live for the next 3 years, than it will happen. Whether or not it's through taking out loans until I explode or my parents winning the lottery, I will return within His will. Which leads me to the toughest part of this whole dillema: accepting it if God decides I need to be somewhere else. I know in my head that God's plan is best, but my heart is sad when I think that His plan might not go the direction that I want it to. All I can do is to pray for trust faith and to make sure that, in the end, my will aligns with His.