stay

And yet even as I am so secure in the happiness of my future, and in the amazing things that are to come, I am petrified that they won't happen.
I look at myself in the mirror.
I hate what I see.
I wonder how in the world anyone could want this forever.
By "this", I mean "me".

We have fun together, and we laugh and cry and tickle and giggle and swing and play and slide and skip and spin...
But did you with her?
She is _____er than me...I just know it. No matter how much you deny it, I am lacking; less than she was/is in some way.
And one day you will see what I see. And one day you will look at me, and I won't be your angel any more, and you'll wonder why you are still here, other than out of a sense of duty and habit.
I cry, you cry, for and with each other.

And I must walk away from this...
I must walk away from 20 years of lies, towards you and Love, because they are completely and utterly synonymous in my brain.
If I don't...
If I stay buried beneath the rubble that I keep piling on myself...
We will suffocate. We will suffocate.
So I'm asking you to stay and be 2 more hands to throw away the rocks.
It may take years, but I promise that I will keep throwing.

I Love you.
You are my steady northern star...My light at the end of every tunnel.
I adore you. Forever.
And ever...

and ever...

and ever...