I love this man :0)

And there is it.
Out by the end of the summer...Pack up and get out.
All of my family, displaced by an aunt who would kick her own sister out of her home of 16 years, rather than make her 32 year old daughter find her own place to live.
No more Christmases in front of my fireplace.
No more hampsters buried in the back yard.
No more walks to the park.

A lifetime of memories, ripped away.

And now I can't share it with the man I love.
Money is a bitch.
We can't afford time in LA during the summer, but I need him to experience where I was made who I am.
I need to take him to the places that will be burned in my brain forever.
I NEED to.
And now I can't.

Fuck you, "family".
You are dead to me.
No more aunt.
No more uncle.
You are buried under the lemon tree I climbed as a kid.

...MY lemon tree...Not yours...


MY home. NOT YOURS.




Fuck you.

Tired. So, so tired.

I'm just at that place.
Have you ever been there? I'm sure you have.
I'm just at that place where all it would take,
(All it takes)
Is one thing...one more thing...
Just one more thing to push me over.
My life is utterly consumed by what I love most.
(How do you combat that?)
My brain, body, and heart
Are dead and sapped and ravaged.

One thing is constant and strong,
And to that (him) I cling.
Tighter and
Tighter.
Fingers interlaced, holding me upright.
Can I wash your shirts for you?
It is, after all, my tears on the shoulders.
My angel...


But still, I'm just at that place.
One more snide glance,
One more passive aggressive comment,
One more useless and pretentious conversation,
(From those who cannot comprehend this calling,
This NEED to be...other than me)
And all of the tears brimming,
Waiting,
Hovering,
Shimmering,
Will come tumbling...tumbling...tumbling out.
And I will crack.
Break.
Shatter.