never again

I made a really stupid decision tonight. I thought that I'd watch Butterfly Effect...I will never watch that movie again in my life. I didn't even make it all the way through...I think I got about 70% through it and turned it off. There was just so much cussing and violence and, just inhuman stuff...we live in a truely sick world where people find entertainment in movies like this. True it was suspensful and well directed, but when I'm distracted from the movie that I'm watching because I'm SICKENED by what's written into the script. I feel nauseas...

My mom called to tell me tonight that my grandpa might have had a stroke yesterday. The doctors still aren't sure whether or not it was actually a stroke, but he has some of the symptoms, so for right now, that's what they're calling it. Sometimes I wish that I wasn't here and that I was at home with the rest of my family. Everyone else's families live really close to here, but not mine...they have to live in the opposite end of another state...it sucks...

break my heart with happiness

I just recieved the reply to an email that I sent Dylan last night...it was pretty much the 2nd highlight of my LIFE. The email that I wrote to him asked where I stood on his end of life (i.e. was I just a good friend, was I his best friend, etc...), and the email that he wrote back, well, I'll just post it:

Well, other than Laura, I would consider you my best girl friend, and probably one of my best friends of all. I like knowing that I can come to you with a problem, and not only trust your advice and discretion, but your kindness. I hope this means our friendship is still heading in the right direction, because I'd hate for this DTR to reduce us from friends to aquaintances. That would be unfortunate. I hope that this settles the question for you, and no, it didn't freak me out. I hope you're sleeping better than I am and I'll talk to you tomorrow sometime.

Dylan

There is it...the email that officially changed my day from ho-hum to WOO-HOO! I can't wait to see him later today...

a black whole of life

Nothing much has happened lately. Life has actually been pretty boring and mellow...nothing to do...actually, I should probably go study for the Bible test that I have tomorrow...Geez it's only 7:40...it feels alot later than that...I haven't seen Dylan in two days...I think he's sick and he's been sleeping all day...maybe I'll go check on him...or watch the Terminal with Bri and Heather...or watch Tombstone with Jessica...I dunno...I'll stop writing ...'s now...bye...

score one for me!

This past weekend was amazing!!! We went to Coos Bay on Saturday afternoon/night and it was the most gorgeous thing I have ever seen!
I talked to Dylan again today and last night. I guess Laura made some sort of "joke" about whether or not he would or ever did cheat on her. He was really upset and needed to vent for a little while, so I let him.
I haven't seen Eli the entire day, which is fine with me. I'm kinda over the whole thing. I mean, I still am interested in him, but I'm defiantely not going to obsess about it as much as I used to (and I KNOW that I keep saying that, but I mean it this time!).
I just heard from my old choir/theatre director from high school. It was pretty much the highlight of my LIFE. She was practically my sister for three years and I miss her like none other. Tracey, if you're reading this, you know what I mean hun.
Anyway, I've got lots of homework due tomorrow that I haven't even started on and it's already 11 pm, so I think I'll go work on it now.

outta here!

welp, I'm leaving in about 20 minutes to stay at my friend Hannah's house for the weekend with about 15 other people, so see ya in a few days!

Eureka!

I was sitting in the lobby yesterday night when Dylan came down from his room with Laura. Now, the moment I realized it was them two, my stomach got all gross and queasy and I looked away immediately. Dylan saw me though and said, "Hi T____!" I said hi back and continued reading. As soon as they left, however, I started to wonder WHY I felt so...dare I say it...JEALOUS when I saw Dylan and Laura together. I mean, I have no feelings for him in that way; he's my best friend and I'm not romantically interested in him at all. This confusion plagued my thoughts for another hour before I finally said Screw it! I can't concentrate on the history of the theatre when this is nagging at the back of my mind! So, I grabbed my Bible and my prayer journal and went to the prayer chapel to write and read and pray for a while. I was there for about 20 minutes and then came back. As I was walking back, the reason for my feelings hit me; I kept forgetting that there was another woman! Let me explain:
Laura doesn't go to our school. She goes to one about 2 hours away, which means that she's not here very often. When Laura isn't here (which is 99% of the time), it's "Dylan-and-T____"; we are eachother's best friend on campus and he's the "significant other" in my life. I'm so used to him belonging to me and me belonging to him that when Laura shows up, it's like a slap in the face and someone yelling, "HEY! THERE'S ANOTHER GIRL IN THE WORLD CLOSER TO HIM THAT YOU ARE!" and that's a shock, hence me feeling jealous. I know I shouldn't...I mean, she has every right to be closer to Dylan than I am. She's his GIRLFRIEND for crying out loud! And she was in his life first. It's just something that I'm gonna have to work on with God to help me "share" Dylan without getting all huffy about it. I sent him an email asking him where I stand in his life and if he sees me as any different than all the other girl friends he has. I'm kinda nervous about his answer and his reaction to the question, but it needed to be asked...I really need to know...

first and last time

I had the brilliant idea last night to join many of the Penn 2 men (Dylan included) in watching all 3 extended versions of LOTR in a row. I will never do that again for as long as I live. I mean, I love J.R.R. Tolkien and I love LOTR, both the books and the movies, but sitting in one place for that long (we started at 9:30 PM and ended at 5:45 AM) is suicidal.
Dylan and I had a really good talk last night about his relationship with Laura. I guess she mentioned marriage and it scared the crap out of him. He's having doubts about whether or not they will last together and is thinking about how it will be worse for both of them if he hangs on to the relationship just because he doesn't want to hurt her feelings. It was good to be able to finally hear what's going on with them, and it was weird to see him so confused like that. Dylan is one of those people who has everything figured out (or he THINKS he does anyway) and is very technical; a "just-tell-me-the-problem-and-I'll-fix-it" kind of person, but he was just so confused and lost about what to do. It's gonna take some time, but I think he'll figure out what to do in the end. All I can do for him is to be there to listen and offer advice and give him a good hug when he needs it.
We also talked about whether or not Laura would be OK with us being friends like we are, and he thinks it's alright. We only had about 5 minutes cause one of the other guys from his floor was coming and we had to change the subject. At least now I know that he is alright with everything. I'd like to talk to him about it more, about how LAURA would feel about it as opposed to how HE feels about it, but I think it'll have to wait for another time.
Welp, I'm leaving to go see Phantom of the Opera in about 10 minutes, so I'll sign out for now.

Imortality! Take it! It's YOURS!!!

So, last night was pretty great. A group of us went into one of the classrooms and watched The Recruit, Bourne Identity, and Troy. Eli and Aaron came in part of the way through Bourne Identity and left their stuff with us while they made a desperate, last-minute run to Blockbuster to get some surfing movie Eli wanted (and didn't end up getting to Blockbuster in time for, so they grabbed Aaron's Troy instead). It was FREEZING in the room we were in, so Brianna (one of the girls on my floor) took Eli's blanket to use, I took Aaron's, and I also took Eli's pillow cause it's SO the most comfortable pillow I've ever used in my LIFE (plus it smells really good, like Eli)! It was just really fun...I didn't get up until 1:00 this afternoon. I mean, we didn't end up getting to bed until 4 something in the morning.
Dylan left for the weekend to spend it at home with Laura. I really hope they're safe on the way home tommorrow. We had a freezing rain storm yesterday that covered all the roads with ice and left big icicles hanging from the overhang of our building and the leaves on our trees. There's supposed to be another storm tommorrow...I REALLY hope and (most importantly) pray that they get back here safely.

Mich-UH

Last night was an interesting experience.
Bethany, Brianna, me, Noelle, Heather M., and Jessica all went to Muchas Gracias in McMinville at 12 AM for Midnight Mexican. We got there and there were about 4 guys from Lynnfield who were staring at us and waving from their van when they left. Then these 3 other guys came in and were staring at Bri and one of them (who was really hot) came up to her and aske dif her name was Kayla and proceeded to make really lame conversation and reveal that he was drunk. It was weird...

Also, Adam and Eli went to Sheri's with these two girls Courtney and the chick that Eli went the Jingle Bell Hop with. They got back right before we left for Muchas Gracias and totally left them standing in the corner of room by themselves to come and talk to us. We invited them to eat with us, and Adam said he wanted to but they couldn't cause they'd already made plans with the other girls (even though neither he or Eli really wanted to go...bwahaha) I got to talk to Eli by ourselves for a while...it was really nice. DAH! He's great!
Sorry...I know I tend to go on and on about him, but I can't help it. The last time I was like this was during high school with Donny Hoover during junior year...oh boy...I haven't thought about THAT in a long time. The thing is, it's different with Eli. I didn't like him right away, and I didnt' like him for his looks at first either. I mean, I've always thought he was the best looking guy in Pen (or all of Fox for that matter), but that was never the reason for me liking him (it was just an added bonus). The thing that first attracted me to him was what a good listener he was and how in love with God he is. I dunno...I guess I'll just have to see what He has in store for me.

"I'm Not That Girl"

I was talking to Dylan tonight and something happened that made question whether or not he is comfortable with Laura (his girlfriend) knowing how close we are to eachother.
We were talking in the lobby and his cell phone rang...it was Laura. Dylan proceeds to have a 10 minute conversation with her (mind you, we were in the middle of a conversation). I'm just sitting there looking around the room like an idiot waiting for him to get off of the phone, when he glances at me and says to Laura, "Hey, can I call you back in a little while?" I smile to myself thinking that he finally remembered I was there and was gonna get back to what we were talking to about, which he DOES, but not before making the following statement: "Why? Well, I'm just downstairs and I want to go upstairs to bed, and then I'll call you back." ..............................................................
OK. Now, I don't usually read into things very much, but that sounded very much to me that he purposefully, for whatever reason, didn't tell her that he was talking to me. He DIDN'T go up to bed after he hung up with her, he kept talking to me! It wasn't until I went to go use the bathroom 10 minutes later that he said that he was just going to go up to bed. Why didn't he tell her he was talking to me? Am I just being a dumb girl? WHAT'S GOING ON?! DAAAHHH!!!!! I dunno...I don't really want to ask him in case he gets annoyed at me for making something out of nothing. I guess if the subject of Laura comes up again, I'll ask him if she knows that we're such good friends and if she's alright with it.
I've got a communication and a Western Civ. quiz tomorrow, so I'm gonna go study.

Elphaba

I saw Eli last night. Turns out, he came a day late cause his grandpa died and he went to the funeral on Monday (which is why he wasn't here). I hope I see him again at some point tonight so we can actually talk and I can give him a hug or something.
My dad emailed me last night to tell me that me little brother, Justin, has autism. We knew that something was wrong, but I guess now they know for sure. I told Dylan last night and got a good hug. He has this unnerving habit of staring at me when he thinks something's wrong. I was sitting on the couch next to Wes last night when I told Dylan. He asked me if I was OK and I said yes, but he sat there just looking at me for a long time cause he knew that I was totally lying. But I guess I don't really mind cause it just means that he cares.

Oh yeah...I'm totally listening to Wicked again and I love it even more than before!

tummy knots

So, I talked to Dylan a little bit today...sometimes I wish that kid didn't have a girlfriend, but then I remember that he's Dylan and we'd KILL eachother if we ever went out. Noelle still thinks that we'd be great together, but I have my doubts...for now, he's just my best friend and I'd like it to stay that way. I've seen first hand how dating can ruin a friendship and there's no WAY that I'm letting that happen with me and Dylan...he's too valuable to me.

Classes are going alright so far. My Western Civ. and Bible Survey classes are both taught by John Knox, who is SUCH a cool teacher, so I'm excited for those. Plus, Heather, Suz, Adam, and Aaron are all in Western Civ., which makes it easier. The only problem is that my Bible class is
1 1/2 hours long, which is gonna drive me INSANE!

Eli just got home tonight, but I still haven't seen him yet. 'Sokay though...I'm sure I'll see him at some point tomorrow.

I don't know why, but I feel kinda uneasy about this semester...I've just got this feeling in my stomach that something isn't right. I know that sounds cheesy, but I have a feeling that something big is gonna happen, but I'm not sure whether or not it's good. Welp, I guess we'll find out, won't we?

home again, home again, jiggedy-jig

I just got home last night...at 12 AM...I was SO tired during class this morning.
I've pretty much seen everyone. Dylan had his appendix taken out on Wednesday (thank GOD [literally] they caught it in time B4 it burst...I don't know what I would do if he died...) but he was on his way to class, so we haven't had a chance to talk really.
One person I have yet to see is, you guessed it, Eli. I have no idea where he is. I haven't seen him the entire day. Oh well.
My first class isn't until 1:40 tomorrow...WOOT!!!
Today is my brother's birthday, so I should probably go call him now.

TTFN

far, far away

Been and long time, huh?
Break has been really good so far. I had dinner with my graduating class Saturday night and got to see everyone. It was nice, but I miss everyone back at school. I was sitting there eating and realizing that I'm just over all of it...I'm over all of the bickering and gossiping and stuff. Everyone was cussing and just being childish. I definately appreciate the gifts that God has given me in my friends at Fox.
Guess what?! I got a tattoo! It's a symbol that represents the Trinity and it's on the inside of my right wrist. It's only about the size of a nickel, but I like it.
My friend Kira got in a really horrible car accident and is in ICU. We're going to visit her soon.

Welp, I've been online forever; my mom has dialup (grrr...), so I'll finish telling all the exciting details later.