A veritible lynch-mob

Thank you Haskell :0)

the chaff and the wheat

Out of all of the things that I miss about the school year, I'd have to say that the biggest one would be, growing. Right now, most of the people that I'm closest to either aren't in Newberg, or they are, and for whatever reason we can't seem to connect and spend time together (with 1 or 2 exceptions). People who never went to college or lived off-campus the entire time always say that they wished that they could have experienced the community of living in a dorm and spending all day, every day with people that they are just starting to develop relationships with. Now going on my 3rd year at Fox, I seemed to have reached a plateau with 90% my friends here; we seem to have grown as close as we are going to, and I don't like that.

There are some people (like my best friend) with whom I am extremely close, and yet we become better and better friends every time we talk; then there are those with whom I am as close as I'm going to get, whether I like it or not. There are those that have put up walls, and no matter how hard I try, they won't let me through...No matter how many smiles or serious compliments of character I give, no matter how many times I try and act on the friendship that they insist they want, all they do is give a cutting, "joking" pot-shot or an "I'll talk to you later" that shuts me down and hurts to the point where I just want to give up being the one to hold our friendship above water. I look forward to the incoming freshman classes just so that I can meet new people and start new relationships, because so many of the ones I have now are on a downward slope. It's not that I'm bored with the friends that I have (trust me. they're mostly theatre people. being bored is impossible)...It's just that I want that experience of learning about others and of discovering (or re-discovering) friendships. I like the process of getting to know people, and that one rare moment that occurs when you realize that you've made a friend for life.

There are 2 people right now (both are guys) with whom I am growing. I have histories with both (one romantic, one a deep and tell-all friendship) that only seem to be helping us to become closer and more connected. I love both of them deperately, and some of the happiest moments of my weeks are when I know that I will get to see them. One will soon be leaving for the rest of the summer (ugh!), and one just arrived and will be sticking around for an indefinite period of time (yay!). It's those few people that you meet that you know will make your life worth living, that make me happy to be alive. To all of those, thank you. To everyone else, I hate being strung along, so if you're not sincere about being my friend, just let me know...I refuse to be the one holding open a door that the person on the other side wants closed.

This has been a reminder from your friendly neighborhood theatre major.

ARGH!

Why do we do stupid things in order to feel loved? Why do we do what we know is wrong, just so that other people will tell us we are wonderful? Don't worry...I didn't do anything life-altering. Just dumb. What is it with the desperate urge I seem to have to be appreciated by men as a woman? Blame it on my dad I guess. I dunno.
Forget it. Sorry folks. This is just one of those times that I needed to be self-depricating just to make myself feel better. I'm done now though. So g'night friends.

Mr. and Mrs. Christensen

Weddings...They are pretty much ridiculous and wonderful.
So, I drove up to Seattle with Noelle on Friday and we immediately went with Em to the reception hall to set up center pieces and whatnot. We then met up with Monk and Bree and went to rehearsal and then rehearsal dinner. We crashed at Em's that night and awoke the next morning to a surprisingly calm house. Seriously though, I'd have to say that the most distinct feature of the entire experience was just how relaxed everything and everyone was...There was no franticness or freaking out of any kind; everything was smooth and calm and Em was too (typical Emily, ya know?) All in all, the whole weekend was great. I rode back today with Maves and Haskell which was fun, and now have to prepare myself for going back to work tomorrow. Bah.

hoo-ah!

Last Thursday evening I went to watch a show at Century High School in Hillsboro directed by my friend Lexie Walker. It was a great show and I really want to direct it here at Fox for an Alpha Psi Omega project my senior year maybe...Hmm...
ANYway, after the show I went to Red Robin with Lex, Cressa, Lex's A.D. Aaron, and one of the cast members, Slappy. Pretty much I fell in love with Slappy and as a result, with all theatre people in the world. He is the quintessential gay theatre boy who is wonderful and who sings show-tunes and who I wanted to take home with me, but alas no. It's great to have someone to look forward to outside of Fox.
The best part of the whole night was that from the time Cressa and I pulled into the high school parkinglot at 7:40, to the time we got in the car to drive home after dinner around 10:30(ish), I didn't once think about the problems that have been consuming my mind lately; I dropped the load that's been strapped to my back for the past 1 1/2 months and it feels wonderful because even though I've glanced back at it once or twice, I haven't put it on again and I don't think I want to. For those who don't know, I'm refering to some troubles I've been having with a particular young man at Fox. After that night though, after laughing at a tipsy Lexie and taking pictures of Cressa and making a new friend in Slappy...after all of that, I don't see the point in killing myself over the unintentional heartbreak that this boy has given me. All it took was one evening outside of Newberg, completely cut off from the places and people that remind me of him, not to forget about our "problems", but to just walk away from them and retrospectively see what there is to be learned. It's nights like that that make me want to take all of my close friends and move into a giant penthouse apartment in New York and go to Broadway shows and watch Shakespeare in the park and live the dream life that every Broadway-baby wishes they could live.
FYI Cressa, I'm coming to stay with you in NYC for spring break next year. Just so you know. ;0)

not even enough to constitute a 4-1-1

An update for the few and faithful still reading this:

I am living on-campus this summer (Lewis Apt. #14) and working in the registrar's office.

...Aaaaand that about sums it up. What else is there to say when you're living on an almost empty campus with no car? There's Phill and Em's wedding coming up in a few weeks, and I'm going home for a little over a week in July, so that's neat. Umm...My birthday is next month! Yay! (It's not nearly as exciting as the exclamation marks imply) And, yeah. That's about it.


I said that's it.







Stop reading this! Gosh...