Maybe I cry out of preparation...
Maybe if I get it all out now, there won't be any more tears left when the time actually comes...

Two weeks to go, and already I feel alone.



The Fountain is the most beautiful movie I've ever seen, but it makes my soul hurt.
"Together We Will Live Forever" by Clint Mansell. Listen to it, then maybe you'll understand.



I miss you already.

No...?

I cried for no reason the other day.
It's been a while...

It's funny how exhaustion manifests itself in different people. For me, the first thing to go is my ability to hold up under pressure...That and my ability to form coherent sentences...ANYway, only 2 more weeks and then I go who knows how long before I see JB again. I just really realized that a few days ago, and it broke me. The weeks of 3-4 hours of sleep, of irritable bosses and teachers and friends, of doing the same damn blocking over and over and over again. AGH!!!!!
...I miss my human punching bag...Where's Dylan when you need him?

People are leaving, and that's not OK. Bethy and Nic and Justin because they are done with their collegiate careers, Kyle because Fox isn't nearly big enough to contain his heart and spirit...People need to stop going away. Things need to stop changing in the areas that I want to stay the same. I need to stop wasting time and finish some homework. Fuck it all. I'm going to Ireland in a few weeks, and then I'm going to spend my summer drinking alcohol, having a sleep-over every night at Joz's house, and then crying myself to sleep because Jordan is 5 hours away. Mixed feelings of anticipation and dread? I think so.

You

6 months today, and I find myself waiting to stop caring.
Last time I did this, 4 months was 4 months too long, and everything was over after the most awkward summer of my life. This time, I've passed that 4 month marker and I still can't get enough of you. This is weird. I'm not used to it. I actually feel the anticipation building up in me...I'm waiting to not care anymore, because I've never cared for this long before. How can I be so 10,000% invested in you after 6 months? How can I still want to spend every moment of every day next to you? I mean come on! I get sad when you leave the room. Seriously.
6 months today, and I find myself waiting to stop caring...But I'm done waiting. I love you, and I'm gonna role with that. I love you. I love you. I love you. Forever? Yep. I'm pretty damn sure.