save me

I have come to the decision that I am having no more than 2 or 3 kids in my life. Why? Because any more than that and family gatherings become pits of hellish rucus and I'm not really into that.
Picture this: Thanksgiving/Christmas with my step-mom's family (we did both on the same day) consisits of my step-mom's 2 sisters, 1 brother and their subsquent husbands/wives and children. Let's see...That's 3 kids from our house, 2 from her brother's, 3 from her sister Melanie's and 2 from her sister Carolanna's, totalling 10 children of whom ONE is above the age of 6. Sweet Jesus, why? It was insane. This is why I have made the decision that my first child is going to be at LEAST 3 years old before I have the second...Not to mention the fact that my brother Jerren isn't allowed to have more than 2 children either. I am avoiding future family gatherings like that at all costs.
That's one thing I appreciate about Fox. No kids. I mean, they're fun sometimes when they're little (like, 1 or 2ish), but when you get around 9 or 10 of them in one room, I think I'll pass, thanks.

And then sometimes I wouldn't have my friends any other way because they make me smile and love them endlessly, even while my face is still wet from crying (ooo...that was poetic...). I like talking for hours to those that I love the most. It makes life seem a heck of alot better. It's people like Dylan Palmer who give me laugh-lines at 19 years old. Thanks.

Sometimes, I wish I had no friends. That way, I would have nobody around to make me cry.

Ron Weasley is a tool

Last night/this morning :0) was Harry Potter, and last night/this morning was so much fun! It's times like that that I remember why I'm friends with Erin and Kyle...Pretty much they make me laugh...constantly...and I appreciate them alot (not to mention Erin's new-found way to enjoy pop-corn). And I'm sure I'll appreciate them even more after they leave (jerks).
PS. This weekend has the potential to be quite amazing. Let's just hope it lives up to that potential.

other side of the upswing

...And just as soon as things seem to be coming together, they cave in and collapse. I'm hitting roadblocks everywhere I turn and it's frustrating the hell out of me. Maybe this is God's way of telling me that that isn't what He's wanting for me. I would accept that...minus the pain in my heart that won't go away every time I think of being able to get my degree in Celtic studies from UCD. It's something I've always wanted, and now it looks like it's not gonna happen any time soon. Oh well. I guess I'm stuck at Fox for now. Poo.

gone

I'm sitting here in my room and feeling something that I've never really felt before...Incomplete. I look at my life and what I've "accomplished", and it seems completely insufficient. It's like I've settled into a rut and have told myself and others that I'm happy so many times, I've come close to actually believing it. And now I know that I don't. Now I know that this life that I'm living, although "promising for my future", just isn't working for me. I need to go away. FAR away. This is going to sound random and out of the blue and completely frivolous, but it's in my head and it's not going away, no matter how many times I tell myself that I'm being stupid and irresponsible...I want Europe. I want somewhere I've never been. I want England and I want Ireland and I want France and I want not here! As of tonight, I'm looking for a way out...I'm looking for a different direction, cause this one isn't working. I don't know how, but I know what and why. Maybe that won't be enough, but it's gonna have to do for right now.

walk it off

So, I definitely was not cast in the winter show.
I'm not exactly sure how I feel about that...I'm happy cause now I have my evenings free again (and no more late-night rehearsals), but I'm also sad because I'm missing out on the part I love the most about theatre, which is the whole "comraderie" thing that happens when you spend that much time with a small group of people. And then there's just the whole thing about me liking theatre...you know...And it kinda just makes you feel like you're not good enough. Whatev. I guess I'd better get used to it.

huh, what?

Things are getting kinda sketchy...More questions are being presented than answers and it's making things kinda sketchy. I'm not even sure what I think any more, and I'm don't know how to respond to what I am sure of. Everything just feels mixed up right now. Hopefully it'll sort itself out in the end...